Tina Bohling grew up challenged by both whites and Latinos about her identity. Her household identified as Chicano but she wasn’t raised knowing Spanish. She explores that tension in the poem she’s sharing with us today called Far Away From Home and tell us about its creation.
Far Away From Home
On the road, away from my Midwest home
Sitting in a cafe on the US east coast
I order my tea, buy a book and sit to write a poem
Then
Spanish hits me
First as a chirping of pretty tunes
And I LOVE it
I close my eyes for a second
It…
Smells like busy kitchens, crowded streets and warm smiles
But this is different
Because we are on a college campus
This is Castilian Spanish
I laugh at my thought of “chirp chirp”
I type, continue on my poem
En ingles
Soon my subconscious lays out a welcome mat
As if waiting for this moment
I know if I silently, patiently waited, it would come to me
I chuckle at their teasing
Talking of school professors
Wishing I could join them
But knowing I wouldn’t
I am not fluent
They fly higher than I do
Their words transform into a context I can store in my stomach
Nourishing the corners left unswept
Undiscovered, I guard them there
Won’t claim them
Because they aren’t mine
I am always reminded of that
This isn’t mine
They are the bread crumbs to part of my heritage
One I was blended into
That welcomes my brown hair and eyes
My Latina hips
And hard to place facial features
Until I speak
I don’t speak Spanish
I hardly move nor look up
Afraid to disturb this moment
Afraid it might fly away
I want to enjoy it in a natural environment
Not caged in a novela or recorded in song
I enjoy the natural rhythm
It plays on my olive colored skin
La musica enters my body
Or my body entre la musica
No se. Just is.
I want to capture this moment
I write quickly and quietly
Tap tap tap
They leave….
A void enters the room
I am way too familiar with this void
The air falls heavy on my shoulders
I stop riding their currents
The thought crosses my mind to toss the bread crumbs
The same ones shared with me
Hoping to bring it back
But some things cannot be captured to be enjoyed
Only missed
