The roots of many female friendships are strong and can run deep. They certainly do for writer Jan Mireles Larson of Eau Claire.
She shared a story about being in the company of women at a live storytelling event hosted by Wisconsin Public Radio’s “Wisconsin Life” and the Chippewa Valley Writers Guild. It was held on Nov. 14, 2024 in Eau Claire, Wisconsin at The Lakely.
Writer Jan Larson of Eau Claire, Wisconsin shares a story about female friendships on stage on Nov. 14, 2024 at The Lakely in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. The storytelling event was hosted by WPR’s “Wisconsin Life” and the Chippewa Valley Writers Guild. Rich Kremer/WPR
We were 12. Most strangers — all women — joined for four days in the common goal of kayaking the sea caves along Lake Superior’s late summer shores.
But first, we had to fall out of a kayak.
“Who wants to be first?” our guide called out with an enthusiasm meant to overcome the silence sure to follow such an absurd question.
Shoulders shifted; feet shuffled. Heads dropped. The water was cold. Who would ever intentionally dump their kayak?
Turns out, me.
“I’ll do it.”
Sighs of relief. Round of applause from my new friends.
For me, the best kind of cold water comes in a glass, with ice, on a hot summer day. But I was in the company of women. And when in the company of women, I am free to be as bold, or as vulnerable, or as unburdened as I choose. If dumping the kayak first would give other women the space to prepare … so be it.
Jan Larson (front) with her friend, Mo, as they kayaked the sea caves of Lake Superior. Photo courtesy of Jan Larson
My earliest memories of the space women hold for one another were gathered at our neighbor’s kitchen table. While sipping their dark brews laced with sugar and cream, Mom and Mrs. Cruz told stories and shared lives. I was the quiet mouse in the next room, reading a book, unaware that I was also a sponge, soaking up the promise of joy in the connections made when women are present for one another.
Years later, during a period of uncertainty and illness, I found truth in the Chinese proverb that “women hold up half the sky.” Women from every corner and decade of life held me. Cards, letters, phone calls, flowers, tea, gifts of time and food all let me know they cared. That I mattered. It was the promise of joy fulfilled.
Two friends were relentless in their presence. When all I could do was walk, Julia dragged me first down the driveway, then up a hill and back again, until one mile became two and two became four. Soon, Emily had me strength training three days a week. The physical activity was great. But the hundreds of conversations during our walks and workouts that deepened our connection — priceless.
Jan Larson (middle) with her friends (l-r) Julia and Emily. Larson credits her friends with helping her build up her physical strength after health complications. Photo courtesy of Jan Larson
Emily and Julia led me back to the physical strength to say, “Yes.” So, when my friend Mo suggested a weekend paddling Lake Superior with 10 strangers, I was ready. Ready enough to volunteer to fall out of a kayak first! And while we were fortunate to have glorious conditions that allowed us to navigate the tiniest of sea caves, that was the dessert of a soul-filling meal.
The banquet we prepared for one another was the opportunity to lay down our daily burdens, to let go the expectations of the outside world.
As we paddled, as we hiked, as we devoured meals around the campfire, we began to share our joys, our worries, our feelings, our dreams, our stories. And although our age and experience spanned five decades, we were there to know and be known.
And in those moments, we found friendship.
These days, I’ve been delighted to witness that same joy present in our adult daughter’s friendships.
Whether piling in a heap like a litter of puppies while they settle in for a good chat, scrolling through social media posts to vet a friend’s newest love interest or showing up in celebration or, if needs must, mourning, they give one another the gift of unconditional love, mutual support, fierce devotion.…
And, the joy found in the company of women.
Writer Jan Larson of Eau Claire, Wisconsin shares a story about female friendships on stage on Nov. 14, 2024 at The Lakely in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. The storytelling event was hosted by WPR’s “Wisconsin Life” and the Chippewa Valley Writers Guild. Rich Kremer/WPR
After Larson shared her story live on stage at The Lakely, WPR “Wisconsin Life” host Maureen McCollum talked with her about the essay.
This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.
Maureen McCollum: You’ve submitted a number of “Wisconsin Life” stories that focus on your children and your husband. You’ve profiled some of your neighbors, celebrated the wonders and the joys of the people in your community. But when we talked about this event, you said, “I think I want to talk about female friendships.” Why was that important to share in this space tonight?
Jan Mireles Larson: So I have a two-part answer because things have happened recently that gave me more reason to want to share this.
But I grew up in a time and place where I didn’t have a lot of friendships. My dad was brown, my mom was Anglo. People on both sides struggled with that. So I learned to value friendships with women. I learned to appreciate them and try to cultivate them as best I could. And I’ve just been living in gratitude because after being sick for several years and having people just stay with me when I really think they would have been exhausted by how needy I was, I live in gratitude. I want to extend that same friendship and kindness to women I meet. I think women are really good at connecting right away. We want to know each other. We want to be known. And I really appreciate that.
Recently, I think a lot of women in our country also have been feeling under attack and not valued. And so I think it’s time for us to remember just how much power we have to support one another. And I want to be an advocate for that as well moving forward.
To hear all the Chippewa Valley writers’ stories from the live storytelling event, check out the full collection at “Wisconsin Life” Live from the Chippewa Valley.
