A few months back, friends Teagan Davis and Ellie Braun had an idea for a dating event, partially inspired by a romantic pottery scene in the 1990 movie “Ghost.” The two make pottery at The Bodgery, a makerspace in Madison.
“Teagan and I have both talked about — with our friends — how difficult meeting people in-person is,” Braun said.
The women are both artists and educators in their mid-20s. They’re also both single. And they’ve had their share of dating app horror stories.
“It can be really hard … when you meet someone that isn’t like their profile shows you,” Davis said. “Because you’re very much curating how you want to appear to the world.”
So, on a recent evening in June, the friends hosted a singles mixer and pottery event at the cocktail bar Imaginary Factory in Madison.
“I think there’s definitely a desire for people to have these kinds of events where you know going into it that if you talk to someone, they’re going to be single,” Braun said.
Sixteen singles arrived, including 26 year-old Starr Welk-Schwartz. She was rocking red hair and winged eyeliner.
“I have chilled out on the online dating scene, just because it’s not good for your mental health,” Welk-Schwartz said. “Something like this (event), you see people as people. You don’t see them as something on your screen.”
Not long ago, dating apps were heralded as a fresh and modern way to meet that special someone. But they come with unique challenges, pushing some users to seek alternatives. A Singles Reports survey of 500 people ages 18 to 54 in the U.S. found about 80 percent experienced burnout or fatigue while online dating.
Welk-Schwartz said the apps can lack empathy, and she was excited to hear about an in-person alternative.
“There’s definitely been more of an intention with me and my friends of, ‘Let’s go out. Let’s try to meet people,’” Welk-Schwartz said. “This is the first one I’ve been to, or even heard of. I would love to see more.”
The energy in the room was nervous at first. But, slowly, the pottery painting activity seemed to put people at ease. Each person sat at a table with a handful of other singles, each with a ceramic mug and tray of paint. They discussed their decoration choices and exchanged bingo cards made by the organizers.
Some said they sought out the event because they were looking for an in-person connection they couldn’t quite replicate on the apps.
“For me, it’s facial expression, tone of voice, body language,” said 42-year-old Aaron Rostad. “You get those subtle nonverbal cues in person that you cannot get through a text message.”
Rostad spent years working in the Madison food and beverage industry. Lately, he’s been limiting his swipes on the dating apps. He described himself as a “yes man,” and said he wants to get out in the community, regardless of if he leaves with a date or not. Plus, he said, the pottery activity was a good ice breaker.
“Having something to do with your hands, or, talk about what you’re doing, as opposed to just being like, ‘Hey, do you come here often?’” Rostad said laughing.
Ben Goss, 24, said he came to the event to get experience dating. He painted at a table with three young women.
“I haven’t really been dating,” Goss said. “I’ve gone on a date with a friend. That’s it, basically.”
Ultimately, Goss said, he wants to be in a relationship.
“You support each other. That’s what I’m looking for,” he said.
Like many here, Goss is skeptical of dating app companies and their ability to help him find love.
“They’re able to, through algorithms, choose who you see and who sees you,” he said. “Putting it behind a paywall.”
Instead, he’d like to go to more events like this one.
“If everybody gets out there, then everybody’s out there,” Goss said. “Then we don’t have the dating apps no more.”
Dating apps work for some people. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center study, 1 in 10 adults met their partners online.
Brodin Jentz, a boisterous bachelor looking to connect with people in his neighborhood, said he had a good relationship with an ex he met on a dating app.
“It’s fine if you feel negative about the dating apps,” he said. “But then you don’t have the potential that they offer.”
Attendee Steve Ticknor, 34, said in his experience, people put too much pressure on dating.
“I think people are preconstructed, in maybe what they’re looking for and how they’re looking for it,” Ticknor said. “Events like this, you kind of have to shed those fears, worries, dive in head first and see what happens.”
Toward the end of the event, there weren’t any obvious matches. Perhaps because such connections take time.
Welk-Schwartz painted her cats on her mug, while chatting at a table with four others.
“I can’t say that there’s sparks flying yet,” Welk-Schwartz said at the end of the night. “I think I’m a tough egg to crack anyway, so I need more experiences than one to get to that point.”
And she may get her chance. Due to the event’s turnout and excitement, the organizers are planning future mixers. Davis and Braun are hosting another on Wednesday.
